As I sit here writing this, I am so sad.
My heart is in physical pain.
On Friday morning, I got a call from a dear friend telling me her cousin had died.
Dory and I were best friends from the beginning of high school. That's how I met her cousin Aidan. I think Aidan was barely two when I met him, and even then, he was smarter than I'll ever hope to be.
Aidan loved to sing, and dance, and show off how cool he was.
From the beginning of our friendship, I was close with Dory's family. Her parents were like my second parents and her cousins were my cousins.
In the summer, Dory would babysit Aidan and his little brother Declan, and I would go over there all the time. Aidan loved playing pirates and pretending we were characters from Harry Potter or Star Wars. The kid had an incredible imagination. He knew every word to every Disney song (and a lot of Bruce Springsteen songs) and basically had the entire Jaws movie memorized. As a toddler he would walk around singing "show me the way to go home, I'm tired and I wanna go to bed..." This boy truly lit up the lives of every person in his path.
He was nine years old when he passed.
Nine years old.
That's single digits.
I'm just having a really hard time making sense of this.
Today, I attended a funeral for a nine year old boy. That shouldn't happen.
I hugged a mother and father who had to bury their baby. That shouldn't happen.
Yesterday, I played "balloon fight" with a little boy who just became an only child. That should. not. happen.
My heart is broken. That's the only feeling I can define right now.
This does not make sense.
On Saturday, I talked to my friend Shyanne on the phone, and I was crying and telling her that I didn't get it and desperately asking her to explain it to me, to make sense of it for me.
And she couldn't.
But she did say something that stuck with me.
She said "Katrinah, I don't know why this stuff happens, and I don't know how to make it better, but I do know part of the reason why death sucks so much. Because we were not made to die! We were made to live! We were made to be eternal beings.And I know that you're sad and I can't explain it, but Aidan is in Heaven, and he is fine."
I believe that. He is. And I wish it didn't happen like this, because I wish we had more time with this amazing kid, but right now I just know that he is okay, and all I can do is pray for peace, because I really believe that if you seek, you WILL find.
When Aidan was little, Dory's mom would drive us home from school and she would bring Aidan with her. Without fail, every time I would get out of the car, Aidan would sob. To get him to stop crying, I would hug him and say "Don't cry Aidan, I'll see you again, I promise."
"Don't cry I'll see you again, I promise."
I feel like he's the one saying that to me now.
Rest in peace, Aidan, I miss you already <3
