Dear John Green,
I was going to write "Dear John", but I decided against it.
I have a few things to say to you. You will probably never read this but I'm writing it anyway, because this is the internet and I can do what I want.
For the past decade, my "favorite book" has been a two-way tie between To Kill a Mockingbird, and The Perks of Being a Wallflower. While I have read and loved many books, the position of "my favorite" has never faltered or changed. Until about two years ago. This wonderful author whose books I thoroughly enjoyed and whose Youtube videos I watched, wrote a novel called The Fault in Our Stars. In all honesty, I wasn't going to read it. I didn't really want to read a "cancer book." Fortunately, my mother knows everything and she knew that TFIOS was exactly what I needed and convinced me to give it a chance. So I picked it up, and didn't put it down until I was finished. So many things in my life changed that day. I screamed a lot. I yelled at my mom for making me read "this god-forsaken book! This is the most terrible book I've ever read, I love it!"
The position of "my favorite book" shifted into a three-way tie, now including this novel that tore my heart into a million pieces and then glued it back together again.
In 2008, my best friend Caiti lost her battle with osteosarcoma. It first took her femur, a few years before, and then came back for the rest. I see her in Gus. I see her in Isaac: funny, but also scared, and sometimes heart broken, and unexpectedly wise. I see her in Hazel: Intelligent, and hilarious, and beautiful, and also an insecure teenage girl.
Oblivion is inevitable, as you know, and one day, no one will know who Hazel or Gus, or John Green are. But I want you to know what you've given the world right now. Maybe you already understand what a gift it is, but I'm going to tell you anyway, because this is the internet and I can do what I want.
More than three years after losing one of the most important people in my world, you gave her back to me for a little while. You let me see her again, and hear her laugh. And that's probably not what you meant to do, because you've never even heard of her. But you would have loved her John. And I can't speak for everyone, but I will, because again, this is the internet and I can do what I want. I think that everyone who has ever lost someone way too young to cancer feels the same way. The only thing worse than biting it from cancer is having a (loved one) bite it from cancer. It causes a HUGE amount of world-suck. But each of the three times that I've closed myself off from the world and immersed my whole being in TFIOS, it has been this amazing experience of glimpsing my friend again. John, you gave us more time with our loved ones.
For most of us, the world will never know our deceased friends and family. Most of them never became Youtube famous. Most of them never wrote a book. Most of them never had a documentary made about them. Most of them won't be remembered by everyone. They were important to us, but the world will never see them. You wrote them into your characters, even if you didn't mean to. Because of TFIOS, when the world sees Gus and Hazel, they see my friend Caiti, even if they don't know it. They see peoples's daughters, people's cousins, brothers, sisters, sons, grandchildren, and friends. You made it so that they are recognized and remembered.
Last night, I sat in a movie theater and watched this incredible thing happen on screen where this piece of literary magic turned into a piece of cinematic magic. I was sobbing, which is not unusual for me to do in a movie theater, but it is unusual for everyone else in the theater to be sobbing with me. My dear friend Korrie held my hand with the grip of a grieving teenager, just like she did five and a half years ago when we said goodbye to Caiti. I fell asleep last night with tears in my eyes which both stung and soothed, as I realized that my infinity with my friend was much bigger than I had realized. Thank you for that.
I am not a book or movie critic. Just a nerdfighter who wants you to know the full impact of what you've done. At least in my life. At least for me. Thank you John Green. Thank you so much. DFTBA.
(and Hank, I'll see you on Friday.)
Your friend,
-Katrinah
*** My heart in writing this post was to let people know what this book means to me. How important I think it is. And I know this is a long shot, but I would love John to hear these words. I would love to be able to tell him what he did for me. So if you want to, please share this. On Facebook, or on Twitter (@realjohngreen) Thanks so much, family, friends, strangers, and fellow nerdfighters! LoveLoveLove
