The only time you can actually be brave, is when you're afraid.

Wow.
I have a big decision to make.
Actually, I'm pretty sure I've already decided, I  just have to see how long it takes me to admit it to myself.
The school that I'm teaching at is called CHETI. It is an awesome school. The director is an incredible man named Zuma. He loves the kids so much and cares about the school as if all the students were his own kids.
CHETI is pretty well-off compared to a lot of schools here. The kids in my class might share 2 erasers between them all, but that's 2 more erasers than a lot of other schools have.
Most of my kids come from very poor families, but they have sponsors. They are being taken care of.

Today, I went to visit a school that is more of a day-orphanage.
Most of the kids are living with a family member or family-friend after their parents died.
The person they are living with cannot afford to send them to school or give them an education.
The classroom I was in was a class of three and four year-olds.
They had no teacher.
Someone had written numbers on the board and then left the kids in the room to copy them down.
They are three and four.
I don't know a single four year old who would sit in a classroom and just copy numbers from a blackboard with no teacher in the room.
The kids were peeing on themselves, peeing on the floor outside the classroom, hitting each other, and crying.
My cousin, Jamie, has a daughter who is four.
I kept seeing her when I looked at these kids.
Alone in a classroom with no one actually looking after her or taking care of her.
I would never let that happen to my little LuLu.
So how can I let it happen to these kids who DON'T have someone watching out for them?

I look at my students at CHETI and I just think, "I love them so much. I love them, I love them, I love them!"
But I looked at these children today and I thought, "I can help them. I think."

It will be a challenge. But I think I can make a difference.
If I decide to switch schools, I will miss my students so much. Especially little Angel.
But I know that Angel and her classmates will be okay.
Their sponsors will take care of them, they'll make it to secondary school and probably university.

But what about these kids I spent the day with today?
No one will even take them to the bathroom.
Who's going to help them learn and function in life?
Me?
I don't know.

I still have to think about it.
I will cry saying goodbye to my students and my heart will break leaving CHETI.
But I think this may be what I have to do.
Pray for me, send your thoughts my way, because I'm scared.

This is one of those situations where I have to really remind myself that I am
Braver than I Believe.