WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M LEAVING TOMORROW?!

It is with a heavy heart that I say goodbye to the children who have become mine.

This is so difficult, and unknowingly, they make it even harder for me by loving me back.
On Monday, I said goodbye to my kids at Cheti, and my Angel.
The kids sang me a song and gave me a gift and said thank you, and I cried.
I met Angel's family, and told her I would not see her for a while, and I cried.
She asked me when I was coming back, and I told her it would probably be at least a year, and I cried.
She got sad and said, "Okay, Teacha, I love you" and kissed me on the cheek, and I cried.
Then she called me "Mama" and I SOBBED.

Today, I said goodbye to my kids who live at the Hope Orphanage.
I brought them books and vitamins, and told them I loved them, and I cried.
We played games, and I read them stories, and I cried.
I couldn't handle it, so I walked to the back of the building, and I cried.
They all followed me to see if I was okay and give me hugs, and I cried.
We folded their laundry and sang songs, and I cried.
They told me not to go home, and I cried.
I kissed them all on the head, told them I loved them, and I cried.
I waved to them, walked out the gate, shut the door, and I cried.
Then they all ran out the gate after me to hug me one more time, and I SOBBED.

I cried on the ride home, I cried when I walked in the door, I cried when I looked at the pictures we took today, I am currently crying.

I have to do this again twice tomorrow.
I have to say goodbye to my students tomorrow morning, and I have to say goodbye to my housemates, who have become my friends and family tomorrow evening.
I hate goodbyes.

I am so happy to see my friends and family in the states, but my heart is being torn to shreds.
I cannot believe this is my last night in Africa.
It flew by.

Where did half a year go?
It went into the cracks and crevices in the rocks that line the dirt path I walk every morning.
It went into every laugh, every smile, and every tear experienced over the past five months.
It went into the hearts of all the children I have fallen in love with and who have become mine.
It went into every pang I felt in my heart when one of my kids told me they loved me for the first time.
It went into every loud night staying up laughing with my room mates.
It went into every breath expelled during meaningful conversations with my house mates about how we can possibly change the world.
It went into the heart of every wonderful person I've lived with and become friends with in this house.

I've said goodbye to a lot of my fellow volunteers over the past few months, and that was always hard.
But to look into the eyes of my babies, and tell them I'm leaving them, that I won't be back for a while, that I love them, but I have another family, that I let them love me and now I'm going away...
I have experienced very few pains greater than this.

It is with a heavy heart that I say "kwaheri".